Self-portrait with flowers.
Lately, I’ve had a lot of highs and lows.
Things are OK, you know? But not really how I’d expect them to be.
There are good things in my life;
My work is moving in the right direction (I think) and I’m really proud of my art.
I got into a great school, and I’m going to go. I’m only 23, I only need 2-3 more years to finish my degree and it’s never too late. I’m excited to go to the Art Center in Pasadena! It’s just been such a long process to get there.
Despite my lack of finances, I’m happy. Really truly happy.
But there are complications, too, as with everything in life;
Obviously, I’m not financially secure. My family is struggling with debt and keeping their home, so I’ve been doing what I can to help. We all have.
While my health has been great lately, I worry about what the future holds. I give myself so much anxiety by worrying about what it means (financially) to have epilepsy. I’ve dealt with the existential part of it, and now here I am. Realizing how much it costs to be disabled in America.
My mother is sick. They’ve given her less than a year to live, and I don’t know what that means, really. You hear the words, but what does it mean? Is it really less than a year? What can I do to help this? Can it be prevented? How am I supposed to handle this and also stay strong for her? I can’t believe how strong she is.
Life is complicated. I’m doing what I can to be “here” but sometimes it’s difficult. Art is all that I have.